I hate to bring up the past but suddenly I have this sudden nostalgia for guides.
Going home on Friday for me early is strange, way strange. For the first time in 2 years, I reached home at 2:30pm. If I had guides, I would have reached home say, 7 or 7:45pm?
PE lessons now remind me of Angeline’s torturous drill sessions but in a good way. I guess the saying is true that you will never treasure things, till you loss them. During my time in guides, I have taken a lot of things for granted now that I think about it. I miss the old campus 1 and 2 cuz I remember that I had to rush from campus 2 to 1 every year during the speech day rehearsals period when I was in sec 2 and I had to rush from the new campus to the old campus 2 for guides meeting every week and we will die die have to eat in campus 2 cuz of the wonderful mee pok stall. I miss speech day and the rehearsals cuz I have been participating in the speech day parade since sec 2 and you get that adrenaline rush when you march in with your squad and the proud feeling of wearing your full uniform and your boots. I miss all the seniors with their wonderful leadership skills to keep the company together, united as one and to make the guides meetings, and games day fun. I miss the camps, all that sabo-ing at the gangshow, the nightwalk where may and xueying were dressed up in poncho at 12mn, the nightdrill where they made us stay up till 2am in the morning but we got a few good lessons in life out of it. I miss staying up till 2am-3am at camps cuz we had to wake the juniors up for nightdrill and nightwalk then just talking about life in the middle of night after they all had gone to bed. I miss the campfires, where every one of us went crazy just for that night, releasing all the anger and stress into the night skies and just enjoy ourselves. I miss calling the seniors ma’am and that they are gone, I have no one to call ma’am. I miss our singing sessions where May will usually teach us new songs and we being guides were able to learn them on that day itself. I miss singing all the campfire songs even though some of them are pretty childish, they still are campfire songs. I miss COH, where all of us will be somewhat serious but still crapping and eating like mad. I miss all the people in my batch, tan wei ling, huixian, edith, da, qing, jie,weiyi,huiwah,xinyu now that we don’t see each other in guides meeting anymore. I miss running around for almost every guides meeting since I step up, sometimes getting all sweaty. I miss Angeline’s torturous drill sessions in sec 2 cuz that was the time where we all really bonded through together and thankfully manage to survive sec 2. I miss all the informal committee meetings during recess where all we will talk is shop, shop and more shop knowing that we need to get things done as soon as possible. I miss coming home late on Fridays then later falling asleep on the bus. I miss my juniors,especially my sec 2s whom actually bear with me taking their testwork for that year. I miss staying up till 12mn or 1am,chatting and rushing with edith over the proposals. I miss the the times when we got to go to the MF concert band and Chinese orchestra concert for free cuz we were ushering and then getting free food cuz we were doing reception for that too. I miss doing reception for speech day, knowing that we get to go to the VIP area, serving all the important people then going home at 7pm with all the free food. I miss being stressed out for guides knowing that I can perform well under pressure then I can benfit in my studies too. I miss the punishments and the pumping which brings us back to our roots, no matter what rank we got. I miss the constant pep talks that the seniors gave,with their stories rooted into it and then inspiring us to do the best we can for guides. I miss the firelighting. I miss the outdoor cooking where all our food will always end up burnt. I miss the times before guides meeting where everyone will be frantically polishing their boots and cutting their nails knowing that if we didn’t do it, down 20.I miss the times when we all will crowd into the toilet to change before guides meeting and the toilet will turn blue. I miss the games where everyone ended up covered in flour. I miss feeling proud over the fact that even though guides doesn’t specialist in drill, our drill wasn’t so bad after that. I miss the fact that we could leave class early for guides. I miss the national day observance ceremony where we would march proudly in the muddy field in bishan park as a squad. I miss not running for every national day celebration and gloating over the fact that I have that privilege. I miss interacting with other guides during HQ camps. I miss north division days where we constantly try to do our best to win whatever prize we could get our hands on. I miss doing gadgets even though I am bad at it. I miss the times when we were getting everyone to buy guides cookies and competing over who could get the most orders. I miss it that I can be myself in guides with the people I have known for my whole secondary school life. I miss the farewells with all the items and the barbecues where weiyi and atikah tried start the fire but couldn’t. I miss knowing the fact that I am safe, with all the people I trust all in one place. I miss the planning for the amazing race where we had to run all over the raffles area attempting to get information and taking pictures. I miss amazing race when qing and I were at the station crapping away. I miss the times when the whole committee was close and the bond that we all had. I miss the combine acts with all of us running around sentosa competing to be the best. I miss knowing that guides can be my lifeboat if I get down and depressed.I miss the fact that everyone in my family is either from guides or brownies.I miss wearing the black guides tee, despite the high neckline.I miss sms-ing people the details of guides meeting.There are so many things I miss, I can go on forever but no matter how badly I miss everything, the time can’t be turned back.I know that there is always be YA after the Os but it is not the same. I don’t know how I can survive through next year without guides to fall back to.Hearing my sister complain about guides makes me envious of how lucky she is.I wish that we could have step down later, like for another month.

I know getting the merit award is an honour but it doesn’t really mean anything to me. I just want to go back to guides then I will be able to concentrate on the Ns. It is hurting soo much from suddenly having guides to no guides but there is nothing I can do and it sucks.

Chee Kheng gave a speech when he got an award from the specialist course yesterday and something he said struck me.
“ Leadership is having the ability to nurture future leaders.”
“Having the highest rank doesn’t matter cuz even with rank, if you can’t gain/earn the respect of your juniors then it(the rank) doesn’t mean anything.”-it is so true!!