HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY GATSBY BOY/BRYAN!

Resident lame guy, mr responsible and all rounded nice and sensitive guy all grown up already! Can’t believe I only known you last year, cos it feels like ages already! Bus rides home with you was fun! Especially when we got soaking wet somewhere along the way. And you have 1001 different theories, with super funny explanations for them. I miss hearing them man!
Lastly, FFTN ;)

I AM STRESSED from studying for the exams. I practically need a miracle to pass the impossible to pass Fmaths, a D would do.

The only thing to look forward to is the camp after the exams, that and the 2 weeks-20 days holiday(which I don’ t think I have a chance to . And for this camp, I’ve wisen up(from DREAMS 5) J I’ve got the important things, Naglene water bottle, haversack bag and foam mat. All I need is to borrow the mosquito coil holder from Andreas.LOL. And to buy an inflatable pillow. The scary thing is, I don’t know any other YAs who are going, well, I met one of them during the Apex carnival, but that doesn’t really count. And another sent me the YA induction pictures eons ago. Both were from Cedar. Let’s see what will happen during the briefing next week. But, nonetheless, I am pretty excited. Call me camp crazy, but I think it will help me de-stress.

To answer Jie’s question on why I joined Girl Guides then YA. For me, it was a no-brainer decision since it was a “natural transition” from brownies to guides. And maybe cos of the uniform too. In lower sec, I was actually kind of slack too, as in, I missed my training camp in my first year in guides. After the training camp in secondary 3, well, something happened I guess. Maybe because of how hard we worked back then and the things that happened, hence the deeper the love. And I look forward to school cos of guides. HAHA. My priority was and still is guides then school. As in, I plan my schedule around guides. The whole nature thing about guides also grew on me, along with camping. As for YA, it was partially cos of the emotional blackmail and partially because I like guides. Don’t mean to sound like a saint, but in the end, CCA points isn’t the main “highlight”. The highlights are being part of a great big sorority and it being my main avenue to distress and relax.

still up at 4:35am, doing art journal.
5 more paintings to go! I am so sian, I feel like doing the rest of it later, during class.
But then I am pasting the pictures + analysising 2 paintings(that even I forgot what they look like) during class...3 hours later.
I am so gonna sleep in on sunday(meeting up with edith on sat so can't sleep till 2-3pm).
so far, I kept myself awake by blog-surfing and reading through Andreas's old entries(and I realised that my name is in quite a few of those entries, mainly during June and July last year).

on the happier note, ITS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL,of the terimester.YAY!
after that, will be exams then holidays...

and during the holidays...
I AM GOING TO UG NATIONAL CAMP!
at just the right time. :)
4D3N at Pulau Ubin...i can't wait!
i am just nuts enough to sign up for it alone.

I’m actually kind of touched by the support my friends, the rovers, the scouts and mfgg alumni had given us. In those two weeks or so, it had actually kept me strong.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy”.
-Dr Martin Luther King Jr

And this is very random, in my computer project, because my group was doing a database project and we decided to put ourselves as the professors in the data (we were supposed to do a database on a fake college)and as qualifications, I have a masters in philosophy.LOL. nice! Ph.D would sound a lot nicer though. :) so lame.

Hanging around with Xinyi has also got me thinking, about how people show that they care for you. Ah well, most of it depends on their character and personality. But either way, this quote keeps on ringing inside my head “give a person enough time, and he/she will impress you”. And their act of caring for me can make me impressed.

Anyhow, the more observant people can spot the subtle hints of care-ness(is there such a word anw?), for others, it’s my way or the highway. In other words, they can only spot the obvious signs of it. Personally, the ultimate litmus test for me, is during camps and in such camp-like situations. Because you are forced to face adversity together, that feeling of feeling worried and concerned about your team-mates will gradually come out. At times, you will also feel protective towards them and vice versa. The subtle hints will become quite obvious, I guess.

Ultimately, people express it in different ways, as Andreas quoted “not showing it doesn’t mean you don’t miss it.” Not showing you care doesn’t mean you don’t care, you just act too well to show that you don’t care, that’s all. Opening an old wounds, might be too painful at times, it’s easier to just close it and “let it heal.”

2:49am! I’ve got to sleep! Got to rush the idiotic art journal and tution homework by Thursday.shit!

for the fun of it(and the need to entertain myself), i went to read my sister's facebook wallposts and her blog.

tiara's stalker!LOL.LOOK OUT!

but it made me laugh.her friends are soo funny! compiling my sis's egoist needs, as they call it.

one of the wall post is especially lame, " we tease ann with I want char kway tiao ANN LOHHmeee".HAHAHAHA.

oh!and we teased her during dinner, i can't believe she went to the wrong car and tried to open the door la.lmao.so the theme for tonight's dinner was, "suaning tiara winata" :)

and I met up with xinyi and her classmates today, went to amk lib then went to eat lunch with xinyi then we met up with them again at kfc.

i've got the gut feeling...new favourite hangout is...

KFC!(thank god, im sick of mcd).

they told us after we left, there was this girl who was sat next to them and when she saw that they were doing their odac farewell poster, she was flipping the book and sighing(very loudly).

they were so scared till they went straight to KFC.LOL.

mfgg cf..totally sucks! they barely made the mark...thanks to scouts and ncc.whether it was successful or not is another thing all together, but according to my sources, it was totally sucky from all angles(the girls themselves,participants,scouts). so ex-seniors, relish that fact. :) we totally own them man.

and I am thinking of ways to cheer myself up, after all that drama and stress.
and for those who are/were involved in it, thank you for all your hard work.it's appreciated-by me! :)

HAPPY BELATED EIGHTEEN
KAMINI!<3

omg! I've realised i've known you for like...almost forever! being one of those few people who went from M-M school with me, then same class.and i just realised that all your schools starts with M!
your letters are the love man, kept me going during class, and i totally miss writing those letters, i want to write more letters!
my recess buddy! hahaha. school's not fun without you anymore. i miss all those lame and crappy jokes!
ms kamini, do you still remember..."wanna meet me at the 3rd flr bathroom in the biggest cubicle at kbcc?".MUHAHAHA.and the 1 wk during the O levels study break, shall i say more?LOL.
anw..next time, if you own at huge coffee chain, don't forgot me.
love ya!

Another hook, there wasn’t even any explanation.
The school is obviously with them, why they bought the story, I have no idea.

The apology letter/whatever was absolute crap.
HELLO.so THEY are MATURE?WOW!THATS NEWS TO ME. SINCE WHEN?
And since when do we have to treat them RESPECT and HUMANITY?
Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
And REFLECT UPON OURSELVES?please la…so crappy can.
HARSH PUNISHMENTS?my foot. Then what were the punishments during my time was? Death sentences isit? Then why are we are still alive and well?
GREEN LIGHT TO GO BACK AND TERMS&CONDITIONS APPLIED? please la, even if you give the whatever green light, YOUEVEN THINK WE WANT TO GO BACK?

We also jolly well know that the crap contract can be used against us, but then again, like we even have a choice not to sign.

It takes 2 hands to clap, and if they are not responding and we are getting blamed for it, isn’t it a lot of crap?
The “HIGHER AUTHORITY” should just stay out of our business, since they have no freaking idea how to run a UG and think that they do.

They basically made Mt. Everest out of a molehill.

Guides should be changed to weaklings, since 30mins of drill killed them already.Or they should just join a slacker CCA. I feel like telling those idiotic morons to quit, since they can’t take the training.

Same training, no, a more lenient training and they wrote a petition letter, weaklings.
Then what would they do during NDP,SYF and speech day?there will surely be HOT SUN and LONG drill trainings session, it’s something they can’t avoid.

Kelvin updated me on what happened yesterday during meeting, and from what I heard, campfire will be a historical event to behold, too bad I wouldn’t be able to see it with my own eyes.

I can feel the cold war is on again, who’s side am I on? Angels or devils?

Let me see, at that time, I felt that the angels weren’t in the wrong, but now, I am friends with one of the devils. Does it make a difference who my friends are? Apparently, it does. But I don’t really care.

I bloody hate politics man.

But well, in spite of all these, there is still a silver lining in the dark clouds.

And we do have our kind side. Their minds apparently forgot about camp inspire. Or were we very inhumane then too?

I just finished my art!
soo happy!
FINALLY!

doing the essay at 4am is scary, it's like learning history at night.
my imagination will run wild...then come the nightmares.
and I have enough nightmares to last me months, thank you very much.
No more energy to put in effort for presentation so really anyhow do.
everyone will be sleeping in class anyway.haha.i think.

long day later...

Actually, I’ve been trying to justify my actions last night, which means looking through what my seniors had done to me when I was their age. I’m done getting angry, cos either way, they lose. And I still feel I’ve done nothing wrong, at all.

So, if I were to do what they had done at their age, then we will have to complain about May, Sanah, Yunqi, Andreas, Jasmine, Huiying, Priscilla, Yinghui, Xueying and the other seniors who came back for the camp to supposedly “torture” us. That would have driven them away too.Even at that age, we will never do that. Sure, it was tough, and even if we didn’t understand the meaning of the punishments, it did bond us together. And if you want to see, I still have the (nightdrill) video to prove it. And my blog entries to prove that I didn’t have that mindset that the sec 3s are having now,3 years ago. The people who got supposedly “tortured”? They are the same people who are coming back to help out. And they got pinpointed out during the nightdrill, that I can tell you. In front of May and Xueying, that’s pretty scary. And we weren’t like that, I can cross-reference to Andreas’s blog to see how we were back then too. Wanna try COH 1 Saturday every month? We all paid our dues already, 100000 times worse than what you all are paying now. Now, who’s suffering? Wanna try ours then?Since “now” doesn’t work, let’s try “then”.

Oh, then I realized why. Cos those sec 3s never go for this year’s camp, that why. Which means, in my words, they never did “die” before. For sec 3s, attending the training camp is so important, and yet none of them turned up, tell you, bravo, I never heard of this before. Or it is a signal to tell me not to habour anymore hopes on you all? If there is no effort, you still expect a reward? That’s completely bullshit.

Yet, they blame our incompetency and doubt our capabilities. If they think so, then they should have attended everything to see how “incompetent” and “incapable” we are. And if they think they are sooooo capable, then, let them handle everything. I will be at the watching the “show” at the sidelines.

Oh yes, all the seniors can just give up on you and we all can take the Fridays and weekends to concentrate on our schoolwork, instead of burning it for people that do these things to us. In turn, you all will not learn any guiding knowledge and we will improve our grades. How nice is that. I’m not even asking for appreciation and gratitude. I will be fine with enthusiasm. FYI: I wouldn’t stoop so low to your level.

i got to stop procrasinating my essay(and presentation)!
which means that i got to start today, if not i will up at 5am on thursday night/friday morning doing it.
i think everyone else started pia-ing already.shit.

today's class was fun, especially during break time. :)

im looking forward to st.andrews and cat high's campfires.haha.

tomorrow's the day when an 8 page testimonal summaries our whole secondary school life.
and then there is the art quiz.

gatsby boy revived the blog(by tagging) :) im happy.

1am dateline-for my essay.shit.cos mum is gonna off the internet at 1am.

Reading people’s blog…made me miss the memories within MF.
The miss list is ever growing.

And I sometimes suspect I become a YA just because I can go back to MF.

Every Friday it will be like…..
omg….immmmm hoommmme.
Feel the love and the homey feeling…..
and get your fix next week.
But I am feeling you man…LOL.

When I feel especially nostalgic, it will be like that.

University is just different.
No more homey classroom,
no more crazy classmates/schoolmates.
Most importantly, no more close friends to crap with during the booooring lessons(and the 10000 other activities).

Comfort zone #1.
HOME #2.

Mrs Lim actually remembers my name, I swear cos it’s because of the DREAMS 5 pictures (*cross my fingers that they show the glam ones*) shown during High Achievers Tea (don’t even ask why, so unrelated can, unless, of course, WE are the HIGH ACHIEVERS.LOL. that will be a different story), if not she wouldn’t have remembered.

DAMN! 30 more mins!