i think i am running on pure adrenaline right now.
went home at 11pm yesterday and there is about 2 more hours till i have to get up for camp inspire so i am functioning on very little sleep.

and school,guides,YA,MF AYW and MINDS have already taken over my life.truth to be told, its isn't as bad as my dreams5 days, maybe cos this is round 2. for andreas back in 2007, must have been a total culture shock, like it is for edith now, to jump in and be so involved in a SL experience like project linking MINDS.investing all your free weekends is no joke at all. this is the hardest phrase,as i learnt, for EXCO and participants alike, the planning phrase. this is when you see your team-mates till you can get sick of their faces(or your fellow EXCO's faces), this is when you sometimes dread opening your e-mails cos there will be tons for you to read and analysis and absorb and the though for just not working for it is tempting because its mentally and physically exhausting.add in school and the rest of the teenager things that we have to do, and you will get a bunch of people who will have no life for the next 6 months or so.

but for people like me who have gone through it once, the fruits of our labour are oh so very sweet, i can look back on that 3 months of dreams journey and still be smiling to myself like a fool 2 years later, at some random private joke. thats why i am pressing on now. because the road ahead isn't gonna to be easy, as i remembered lester said in 1 of our dreams e-mails eons ago so lets make it a memorable one. you may not see the light now, but it's there, shining in the dark. i can remember during the planning phrase for dreams5, bryan,yingjie and i were at the school library thinking up of what to bring for the equipment list and at that time, i really felt our expedition then was of a small magntitude, as compared to the JEP trip(they were practising their item in 1 room in the library and we could hear them sing) as we didn't openly have meetings and practise our hongdou during school hours or anything like that.

i realize my family values credentials more than personality. and its selective credentials. somehow, tiara did well for her EOYs and she gets a MAC book, frances did well for her mid-years and she gets a digicam. my chances of getting anything are close to nil. and when you do well, everything is not your fault, its the stupid person's fault,always. the one who can't go to poly, the one who "don't even try her best so lets make her quit school since she is not putting in effort", the one who spends most of her time doing don't know what. who is it, pretty obvious. so at home, i am the rebel(teachers at mf will be "what?no way, putri is soo quiet and she listens in class") and the one with the BIG AP.NICE. every 3 months, my mum will threaten to not pay the school fees unless i do something so there will always be a big drama then. btw, she also hates guides and mf with a passion, so all activities concerning them are a big no-no but its a double edge sword, i will die without them, psb is jz way too sian please. and their SC is lame-er than MF's SL, okay? needs tons of help.which goon will organise a "fantastic day@ sentosa" for OCamp you tell me? i can safely tell you that i can do that in my sleep. i'll rather be at cat high doing obstacle course then be at sentosa doing some game, oh, where i have to pay $5 too. anw, been to sentosa too many times already.

each of us came back from dreams5 with a different gift, a different part of us soften and heals, yet all of our souls were rejuvenated. maybe thats why i feel such tenderness and have such a soft spot for them. for me, they represent the people who loved and accepted who i am for the first time in my life. for them, they liked me for who i am, with the variation of attitudes and moods they saw me in those months. they became the family that i never have. it is such that i feel so comfortable with them till now.

45 more mins! to 6am!