OMG!ANGELINE TEY! you flooded my tagboard!!!!! 12 TAGS! Oh my tian! and edith and peiwen are collobrating along with you on suan-ing me. XD

haha.guys, thanks ah, 7 years of friendship/being my guides senior and you are not on my side! wa...i am so sad man...cos i can't suan you guys too much also. if not you guys will start saying all those deep, dark secrets, especially andreas/edith. man! shouldn't have lost those 05 training camp pictures, especially the videos......hehe.*evil grin*.

actually, i have no idea what to write now[shit, this sounds very very familiar], looking at the tagboard messages now, laughing like some idiot to myself, again. i came across fred&lionel's rice["legendary" to say the least], mini drama between edith and andreas, andreas wanting to take ballroom dancing for NYAA, 1000 words essay, 007 agent, my dearest midnight prata across mf, complating peck hui's JC CCA and then...of course angeline.

yes, i know its pretty dumb to bare your soul to a public blog, cos you set yourself up to be vulnerable. but then to know a person, you've got to know what made that person, well that person whom you know now, at this moment and at this day. consider this, if you met me, say in 05 or in 07, or maybe even in 03, i can tell you, i was an entirely different person from the person whom you know now. maybe more innocent, less confident, less talkative, whatever. and that particular word, experience, shape me into who i am today. with experience, i've come to realize, always comes with stories. you know all that cryptic words i was saying about earlier? each one has a story behind it. i think i have more, but lets leave it at that. everyone have their mystery side,right? or as i learn, hidden. hiding behind a mask. :D

and i also know that we can't claim to know a person entirely. we've jz got trust the side of them they are willing to show...unless we can see right through it.

i think i bore my soul in some posts, i am guessing when i was still feeling super super raw, angry and emotional. writing jz somehow helps put the indescribable emotions to rest, as contradictary as that sounds.

i wonder if i am doing the right thing, reopening the pendora's box. but i feel that somehow, we are jz NOT done yet. its "forgotten" in all sense of words but not the heart.

i am thinking of putting this on fb, "i am a girl who loves space, yet hates to be alone. i find milo peng, teh peng, oyster sauce, juice, "ambulance", "defence industry",whale whale, miao's spa, "hao xin fu", "water", ice gunung, zeus's special and "hokkien mee" funny-laugh if you know what i mean. nvm if you don't. "soo cryptic though.

ms andreas neo hui wen finally tagged on my tagboard, such a miracle! and she haven't suan me in a loooong time too.haha.but i can suan her back...with that dinner.LOL. it ALWAYS works!oh man, now i am getting cryptic, but really cannot explain this la, if not i will get killed by her.*andreas, peace!*

going to have a sleepover with my sub-committee on from friday to saturday, at my place. to be specific, i think hawa, angeline and christina are sleeping over and felicia and valerie are coming over but not staying over. then we will discuss, camwhore( i have a digicam now!yay!), swim and watch movies :) soo looking forward to it!

oh yes, speaking of these guys, my inbox and e-mails are flooded with things from edith, angeline and felicia .also when i go out, it is either with 1 of those 3 or the 2 of them. to put it simply, we are spending alot of our time together...and i actually like it. never been close to YAs until felicia and angeline came along because we will see each other at events then forget about it. not like now. meeting up for breakfast/lunch before meeting starts, holding an inter-unit camp and spending a bulk of time chatting/crapping/suaning on the phone[as of now, 27th april, we talked on sat,sun and today]. the fact that it blossomed into a friendship amazes me-simply cos it is rare in YA. haha.asked those guys to read this, but i betcha they haven't read it yet.LOL. edith, i still love you la.HAHAH.

school will start on the 4th, and i think i will be super busy from then on. i will be having bio, US history, asian lit and mordernization in global prespective. i think i will need help for bio[hint, hint angeline], cos i never done it before, the rest, should be okay, 2 of them are my favourite subjects!oh yes, and i won't have classes on friday. how cool is that?

this time of the year, being the holidays, i have alot of time to stone and mostly, reflect. and being free, your mind tend to wonder[mostly to places you don't want it to wonder to] and then it will start to remember. but remembering the past doesn't mean i am not living in the present. it took a long time to get to this present, the present i am happy with.

and i know the group of people that existed then, doesn't exist now anymore.

i was reading through an old entry of mine, inside was about yew choon saying that we can see the changes in us 2 years later.



well...right now, its about 2 years later. and i can see how much we all had grown-probably thanks to it, when i was at MX's BBQ out of all places.for example, mr miaomiao doesn't really look like a cat anymore, but i will still tease him about his "relatives"(haha.sorry.inside joke), gatsby boy is becoming a man, chinhow is probably as loud as ever but a responsible kid now, mingxuan is halfway there, showing improvements.



anyway, had a pretty good day today, went to the guides house to help hawa with carnival stuff, counting the utensils we need to get for central supply is halfway to nightmare. angeline came by at around 3:30pm to help too and she did the quotations for the utensils. and from crapping, all of us turned pretty serious while doing work. after being human excel spreadsheets, we went to e-mail all the stuff out, and to cut the story short, we finished at around 8:30ish and started celebrating! heh.



This is gonna to be a very loooong post, so bear with me people.

ALOT and i really do mean ALOT happened on the 17th&18th, got to be my busiest days in april :)

First off, thank you for the birthday wishes, whether via sms, person, msn or fb! i am touched <3
thanks dad,mum, tiara, stephanie, angeline, felicia foo, jie, edith, nichole, wendy, kamini, shiyama, peh wei ling, xin yi, shikin, yi qian(OMG, i was really shocked when you remembered okay.haha), debbie chee, xiangjie, xiangrui, anna, angelina ng, jing fang, gatsby boy, yingjie, nic, chandni, jasdeep, tanaga!(yansen la.lol.jz love to call him tanaga for the fun of it.lol), kevin, andi,feather, siew ying, pris(my primary school friend :D),mona, juline, zeeshan, rebecca, vachry, jasdeep, MS HO(this is why i love my guider, am so fortunate.haha),eugenia(my fellow juice-er.haha), jennifer(guides senior.haha), xin mun, jeremy, val, hawa, yusra, ci ci mei mei(older cuz of mine), mar tina, cheryl tan(my sec 2 girl) and rushad-in no order of time.

haha.also the presents :D
the 8 sec voice recorder from felicia, a bottle of colourful sand from angeline, wallet from edith(chua qin shi-haha.can't resist saying it out),pencil box from stephanie, crumpler bag from dad and angbao money from my grandparents. coolness man!

you know, i realized that birthdays is an good excuse to get in contact with your old friends, well, at least that applies to me....and i am especially touched by angeline and felicia, i mean, i've known them for a month and even though teasing and suan-ing each other every time we meet but underneath all that suan-ing, they have been nothing but sweet. i think i take more than i give from them.

my birthday was pretty mundane, but i expected it since there was the investiture and all. haha.and i woke up late, like 2pm so couldn't go to birthday lunch with my mum and ate burger king instead.hahaha.

Investiture was an eye-opener to see, even though it was pretty short. i kind of learn the scouts hymn in the process. in terms of management and reflections, it was chaotic and way too many last minute things that we could have done beforehand. but it was fun! yingjie and I zi-high to the songs and participated in the scavenger hunt. i find the "6 strands of hair" criteria pretty funny.haha. went home after that and cut a tiramisu cake :) :) :) i like!

Fun as my birthday was, depends on how you see it, yesterday was jam-packed with activities, literally, from like 9am-12mn. and i haven't had this much fun in a long long long time. haven't laughed so much either.

I started off in the morning meeting angeline for our usual ritual of breakfast on saturdays morning, this time, felicia joined us and it was angeline's turn to be late.haha.cos the story goes that last week, i was late. and felicia was the earliest to reach.the poor girl was asked to fill up 3 ez-link cards before i came.haha. really have "girl guides" written all over her face. and the surprise angeline wanted to give me was the present.haha. i was waiting for something scary to happen. we also bumped into angela on the way and 4 of us ate breakfast together.oh yes, felicia and i got cheated!lol.cos they asked ice milo? then we said yes, dumbly.lol. as usual, i was the last to finish.

Carnival meeting was informative, i like the banner that rebecca made! and omg! i kind of wasted time doing the signage...but nvm. anw, stores have to revised again i guess, i can feel another urgent meeting coming my way.LOL. 25th april.....really see angeline every week man. feel like cursing but since i am in no power, jz have to let it go, even though it almost made all of our volcanoes erupt during the meeting.had another mini meeting with angeline and hawa then rushed off to meet jasdeep.

I met up with Jasdeep cos of the MCS Reunion High Tea. Guess what? we were the ONLY two 2002 grads of MCS. The rest of the people who were supposely coming, basically ps us. but the tea was cool. for one, our table which we sat on had 3 generations of MCS girls. 3 of them were in their 50s or so, 2 of them came with their daughters and they graduated sec 4 in 1989(this fact alone is so soo soo cool) and then the 2 of us. and they were all very nice and very sociable. we also had some open discussions, about the new/old school building, about our english being better than everyone else's when we graduated from MCS( it goes like this "oooo...your english is soo good! which school were you from?" answer from us is MCS and their reply will be "its an elite school, no wonder your english is so good") and naturally, our mother tongue, terrible(i think all these had been proven by me,good lord.LOL). and our seniors were pretty impressed by the fact that even though we graduated in p6, our standard of english is still there. :D the food was ok-ish and almost everyone on our table won the lucky draw. 1 mother-daughter pair( samantha-the mum and elizabeth-the daughter), Julia(one of the women in their 50s) and Jasdeep and I. haha.lucky table. we talked with ms fernendez, mrs khoo and with mrs ng, but the longest with mrs ng. haha. i think i can stay in the swing forever man. its soo comfortable.

Called gatsby boy after that and he told me to come to his place cos it was quite early then. this was the first time i went to his house.haha. and i have to say his place is pretty neat, there is even a balcony. okay, not the point i am trying to make. i saw addie.haha.after soo many months, i saw her. but then again, its her house. we stayed there till 5:30ish i think then set off to MX's house, gentlemenly bryan, helped me carry that case all the way MX's house and we were kind of late even though we took the MRT cos we went 1 whole big round(my bad). so, 2 1st in 1 day, first time going to gatsby boy's and mingxuan's place.

when we arrived, the BBQ had already started and it was chaotic. haha. you know what? miao,gatsby boy and i ended up manning 1 of the BBQ aka the edible ones. we cooked prawns(miao's favourite), mutton and chicken satay, chicken wings(bryan's baobei.LOL), sausage with bacon, aspragous with bacon and marshmallows. haha. eat until soo full. then from a few boys jumping inside the swimming pool, by around 9pm, everyone was jumping inside the swimming pool. that is, everyone except joey, yanying, qi hua, gatsby boy,miao and me. qi hua, joey, yanying and i talked for awhile then after yanying and i ran to the safety of the boys playing psp, joey got dunked inside the pool, 3 times.haha. i can't tell you how relieved we were. by the end of it, only 5 of us were dry, thank god i was wearing white fbts and my dreams5 tee, which is white so they couldn't dunk me in. yanying stayed locked to my feet.haha. we cut cake at around 10:30 and after cleaning up, a few sec 1 boys, gatsby boy, qi hua, benedict and i walked to YCK MRT. and 1 sec 1 boy, gatsby boy, benedict and i took MRT home where gatsby boy and benedict took the same train as me cos their houses are in Braddell. Reached home at around 12:10mn.haha.and didn't get a scolding, what a miracle :)

haha.this is a minute by minute accout of my wonderful, awesome and fun day today. however, by BBQ, breakfast with angeline, felicia and angela felt like it happened ages ago. and idk, i jz felt so comfortable then, especially when i was talking with joey,yanying and qi hua. maybe it was the atmosphere, cool night breeze and beach chairs which was comfortable, but i found that i can relax...and be myself.shouldn't analysis things that don't need analysising,ya?so i will keep at that.

I AM NINETEEN.WOOHOO! :D

and when you are that age, you feel like time jz zoom pass you.

without realizing it, i kinda realized today that i haven't open up my heart for the past 2 years...

so why do i feel like dreams is happening again, except in a totally different kind of way?

that means an invasion :)

ARGH! quite fustrated now, over some stuff(haha.looking at my past entries, it also sounds/looks like i am ranting too). this feeling, is pretty close to feeling like i want to kill someone or anger reaching the volcanic point of eruption. the solution? pretty simple. have a face to face meeting lor! XD i hope we wouldn't kill each other though.and i still love you guys, don't hate me,kay?

speaking of meetings, i can forsee tons ahead of me, there is the korea international camp ones, my girls' ones, project linking minds ones and inter-unit camp ones. i like....

Guess what we are going to perform for korea international camp, international friendship night? SINGAPORE TOWN!!!!! dreamers, say AHHHHH!!! LOL. can't believe it man. first to the indonesian then korean guides/scouts. sooo cool!!! i was like AGAIN? then was laughing to myself like some idiot. i almost wanted to suggest to them hongdou to go along with it.hahaha. but then i realized that i had to teach them how to dance...not a great prospect. and its been used soo many times already. so i guess "singapore town" is fated to be a special song to me. oh yes, the korea team comprise of 8 brownies(from river valley pri),1 guide-yanling(from katong convent), the brownies teacher i/c(ms tan), goh phing and me. and we will be making t-shirts for the singapore team.the t-shirt part sounds cool too.haha.and another cool thing, we are taking SQ to Korea!awesome! i sound like a kid in a candy store. lol. oh!and its midnight flight! the only bad thing about the whole thing is that we have to wear full u when we go to the airport and when we arrive there in which wearing the YA uniform is torturous-with court shoes. with haversack.dreams much?

to be frank, "singapore town" still makes me miss dreams5 tons. i can show the pictures to the whole wide world, no problem, tell them what we did there, no problem, what kind of expedition, also no problem. yet the full detailed story, not a single soul outside of the expedition.

i remember the months leading to national day for us in school, hearing it jz transports us back in time, god, the yearning....it was pure agony. it makes me want to go back to the badminton court, that classroom, all the walking we did and all the cooking we by a miracle somehow managed to cook. so 2 years later, hearing "singapore town" will make me long to be back to at korea international camp and PBP at the same time. how do you expect me not to have mixed emotions like that?and with what happened today, its a rollarcoaster ride of emotions.

the blog is public yet not public.funny.

i will have to bear this mantra in mind, "we can do no great things-only small things with great love" if i ever want to give up.and remember the sweetness of the fruits of success.

i havent though about this in a long long long time.
guides and politics
even thinking about these 2 words scare the hell out of me.

gonna sidetrack for a little while, cresent girls' guides campfire[oh yes, it was on friday night] was damn cool man! it really opened my eyes to alot to things! :) saw lixuan too :) :) love the cornflakes refreshment, almost feel like stealing it for my own guides campfire but i have no idea how to make it so unfortunately cant.lol.and at the same time, their girls, they were soo disciplined, guides from heaven[lol.don't worry shixuan and felicia, i am joking].haha i like how they built the fire too, even though can't see it very clearly. the dance the sec 3s and 4s did was fun too! Angeline, Cheryl and i had fun dancing along to it and i clearly remember one segment where the emcees asked the participants to "say the sweetest thing" and the scouts clearly did. one said " if i were to rearrenge the alphabets, i will put you and i together" and another one jz said "SUGAR!"LMAO.

since their theme was "disco night", their souvenirs was a bright and shiny disco ball-1 word.COOL. :D will worth the journey to redhill.HAHA. my guides can learn a thing or two from their programme booklet too[this time, i am serious]. anw, thanks for inviting me, angeline and my junior to your campfire shixuan! also felicia too, for coming to our place at the campfire to attend to us, considering how busy you two were.NOW i know why you two were trying to teach us how the sing "the window" song during UH camp and was laughing like mad over it.LOL.

oh yes, angeline and i had dinner at raffles place at around 11pm after the campfire. it was good and she fell asleep waiting for me to finish my food cos she was too tired after school and campfire.but neverthless, we had fun.

seeing shixuan and felicia[lew] for the first time like that....i mean with their companies and in their elements. i can feel their passion, love, dedication and commitment to it.[not trying to flatter you two, but its true], like they aren't in YA jz for the sake of name and whatnot, they are in it for real. that feeling that night of them, totally different from UH camp :)

talking about that put me in a good mood :D

now for guides with politics.
it is a taboo topic i guess, until you experienced it yourself.
the situation everywhere maybe different but the ultimate results are the same[which is why when i was on fb earlier, i was quite shocked, wouldn't eloborate on that].
anyhow, the people whom you "survived" with stay friends with you for a very long time.
i wouldn't want to experience mine a third time round, two times is bad enough already.too tiring.lol.

Also, its not something we talk about very often[meaning rarely], for those who remember that period of time, it was a pretty tramatising time...to say the least. so everyone who went through it have a story. to sum it all up, its a test of 3 years of friendship. that is the ultimate crunch-time.

and those who escape from it-like my dear peckhui, cai er, isabelle and jiayi are super lucky. they have it good....haha.

after the campfire, i feel old man. i mean i am watching cheryl's batch grow up and have watched angeline's[she's the same age as peckhui they all] batch grow up too.OMG! so old! i only grew up with addie's batch and chenpei's batch, if you count the 05 camp, then a little with peckhui's batch.

if you are born in 92 and below, feel free to ask me the history :) mf guides, if you guys are reading this, then you will have to wait till ROD time-when you step up.hehehe. that means joey, debbie chee and yanying will be hearing it soon.haha.but then again...joey may know ;)

shit. 5:12am.gtg sleep.bye!