Relishing the last few moments-or days before school starts.

1. HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY DA!

2. why do i feel happy going back to school? i think i will most probably start falling asleep in class, say, after the first week. i think its the distraction of having something to do to keep my imagination from running wild-as usual.

3. didn't know i was outgoing.HAHA. may i ask, since when? one of the survival skills i adapted after meeting soo many new people in a space of 2 years?its anyone's guess :)

4. you know something is wrong when you talk to each other through facebook. where is the good old days of meeting up,people? yes, i need to see faces and hear voices. and i am old-fashioned like that.

5. i miss camping. december will statisfy my appetite with camp challenge(5 glorious days!) and inter-unit camp(4 days!) then Japan(10 winter days!).

6. when i keep the lock and throw away the keys, it just goes to show how stubborn i can be. and..."out of sight, out of mind".

7. really looking forward to american government and law, not soo much to accounting aka POA. 3 subjects this semester! then stupid, idiotic calculus next term. i soo need help for calulus. SOS.

8. did i mention that learning how to drive is insanely expensive? even though it can benefit me for the rest of my life, but for now....BTT,FTT and practical lessons and test...will test my guts. i want to get my license before march next year though.

9. good morning everyone. sleep well, ya?

PROJECT LINKING MINDS IS O-V-E-R!!!!!

actually, don't know whether to be sad or happy about it.
could have done alot of things better though, like facilitation sessions and the pace that the kids went through.
learnt alot from kelvin, lester and andreas [HAHA.naturally]. And May and Xueying during the camp.
so from now on, i will learn to be more observant :) and if there is time, maybe i will try out to be a ycm panelist[which should be pretty cool].

but....
its not over yet.

there is still project closure report to do.

now i know by what people mean by burying something deep inside your heart.
yes, there is an elephant in the room but i refuse to acknowledge it.
cos if i do, it will be like travelling back in time to jan/feb/march '06. and i learnt my lesson then, thank you very much.
and with the people involved, i am also an elephant in their rooms, a taboo topic.
but one day, it will be like a volcano waiting to erupt. you can't help but acknowledge it.
what a superficial world.
"your closest friend can also be your worst enemy", that's when you see a cup half empty i guess, but in some situations, this may ring true...
and of course this involves an emotive word, "trust". how many people in this world do you really trust with your life? can it be counted on 1 or 2 hands?

help, always seem to come from the most unexpected people.
i don't know, i guess, thats the reason why i like people at their raw form.
cos its genuine. and you can finally let your guard down.
but these people, are very rare in the world.
and people nowsadays, find a shock when you treat them very well.haha.
because they want to know the underlying reasons or motives for your actions.
for me, if i do, it will be simply, "just because...". :)

at the end of the day, i jz have to do things for the right reasons...and to follow my heart.

the word that i am most afraid of is "regret".
of not doing more, for not caring more and for not expressing myself more.
as a person, i can't really talk very well, so i will usually write letters to express myself.

during the 07 GGS carnival, the food and stalls don't stand out in my memory. what i clearly remember though, was andreas, me and addie joking about the 4am rain while they visited the stall. since it was right after the expedition, we were all still pretty close.
what i've always regretted about the expedition is not having a chance to say "thank you" properly. to my team mates and as well as my ELs. this may the the reason why they are always lingering in my mind. because they've done soo much and i couldn't give back. but everytime i see them, i can't get the word out of my mouth, it's either i will become speechless or i will end up crapping.

hopefully, another journey will impact me like they have.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY GUYS!!!

been awhile since i wrote something like that.
maybe, jz maybe, i finally know to describe that feeling.

i think a huge part of it has got to do with how much we see each other cos when you see a person every week, you get used to seeing that person and as the months go by, it gets more comfortable. so, when i met up with angeline they all yesterday, it finally felt like everything is back to normal cos i haven't seen them for the last 2 weeks or so. same goes for _______.

and for the place. after being there for a period of time and doing alot of hard work on it, it really feels like, the best way i can describe is, home.even though it isn't. because the blood, sweat and tears into making the cement, pouring it, making it even. then after that painting 3 layers of paint and creating the plague. is the reason why i can't forget it. it maybe brief, but it really feels like mine. one of the strongest memory from that place also lingers there. part of the reason why i left part of my heart there as well. same goes for the kitchen, kids and dorm. and i am constantly learning from this experience, discovering new things everytime i look back at this memory. my teammates may have been younger than me, but they had taught me alot on how to live.

i think you don't need to do extragavent things to touch people. it's the small stuff. like during the MINDS camp, stan, edith and kelvin bought back supper and that few hours where we all were eating were the most blissful moments of camp. And during guides camp, edith and angeline being my right hand men and chanel writing that manito note. carnival was when we all were helping out each other in the wee hours of the night. it doesn't look much, but its unexpected.and thats why its the most touching and impactful moments.

i feel pretty grateful for my batch mates, for guides, i mean. despite all those nononse that we did, which i shall not mention, i think we worked pretty work when we are thrown together[otherwise, amazing race '05 wouldn't be made into a north division event.hahaha]. and work-wise, i think they know me the best and vice versa cos we've been working together for soo long that we know each other's style pretty well. you can say that we've been trained in the same way too. from seeing the batches after mine, i think we were pretty united, being able to plan soo many things. thanks to angeline[kwan], we were alot closer than our juniors. another aspect is that the seniors chose the right leaders, because without qing leading us, we wouldn't be as enthustatic as we were. LOL. cos monthly saturdays COH aren't exactly my idea of fun then. along the way, some of us became pretty good matchmakers[HAHA, i think they know what i mean, shall not spell it out] and we also gradually learn how to differentiate between personal and work stuff-the hard way though. i think what's soo unusual about my batch...is our spirit, drive and energy. i can't exactly say that we were determined to succeed, but we didn't want to repeat mistakes from the last batch. In a way, to rise from the ashes. it's that spirit to show everyone that we have the ability-that kept us going for the year. being the "black sheep" batch only made it stronger.

And this is what i want to take back to this year's committee. because without that spirit, that enthusiasm to work hard isn't there. and they will do things for the sake of it. or the PNA points. which is not what i want to pass down to them. i also want them to feel that they deserved and put in enough blood, sweat and tears to appreciate their positions now, because, unlike us, they didn't have to fight for it. like the badminton court, you can only truly appreciate it after putting in hard work to build it, otherwise, you will take it for granted. that's why the journey to thinking day celebration 2010 isn't gonna to get any easier, only harder. there will be tons of obstacles and tests of leadership and strength. the PNA award maybe crucial, and it used to be the cherry on top. but now, they will have to use all they have to fight for it. if these girls are reading this, i wanna let them know that the seniors will be with them every step of the way. cos as long as they show us that they are fighting, we will be fighting twice as hard too.